Friday, 13 July 2007

I was tagged!

I had a bit of an Epiphany (or do I mean an e-Pipany?) today: I went onto the dashboard to write a blog and discovered I had clicked on something at sometime which meant all my comments were waiting for me to moderate them. Are you following or have you given up the will to live? Anyway, it was a lovely moment for me as I discovered not the three comments sitting in lonely isolation on my blogspot (yeuch!) but 21 waiting to be read...and I thought nobody loved me anymore!!! Validatation through blog comments? What me?

All has been restored to a state of normality and so I thought I would quickly reply to some of the things you had placed upon the blinding white of the page....
1. UPL - I would NEVER spell/grammar check your commments as I don't even do that to the rot I write! Am currently testing the lavender oil on pillow (and on cot, sleepsuit, etc) and will give the camomile in the bath a go tonight. I know the sleepless nights will eventually end but all suggestions are gratefully received. I red somewhere that roman camomile oil helps too.

Annak - only just realised that you tagged me for the 5 mood lifters so here goes....

1. Reading Grouse and Pondside's pieces on depression and self-esteem is a recent thing I use to lift the mood. Grouse's notion of writing down negative thoughts and then coming up with an action plan is currently what I do and has had really good results as I know that action is far better for me when I am low. The problem is always getting going and somehow it feels as if you have your own personal motivator there with her wonderful words. My suggestion for no.1? Print out Grouse's blog and pin it where you cannot avoid it!

2. Lists, lists and more lists!!! Actually, I really mean one list but with a few categories on it such as general, self, achievement, etc. Each one should only have a couple of things, but this way you actually schedule time for yourself even if it is only for a soak in the bath. The achievement one is for ONE job which you have put off doing - it can be anything, but start small. Make sure it gets done as the lift it will give your spirit as you cross it off the list is worth its weight in gold. I even put down one thing under kids so that I don't just let jobs take over - playing cards is the current favourite and doesn't need to take up too much time if you are feeling a bit pushed. The kids are chirpy because you've played and you don't have my best friend (Guilt) sitting at your shoulder all day!

3. Get outside- it can be the hardest thing to do if you feel low as all you want to do is hide away, but fresh air really helps. Decide where to go and make yourself look at the world around you. If you are in a park, look at the people and make up stories in your head about them as you walk! I find a wild and windy beach works for me although doing really physical jobs in the garden has the same effect. Find what works for you and go for it whatever the weather, but make sure you can enjoy the sense of wellbeing with a bath and glass of the necessary after.

4. Sleep!!! Oh, dear God, sleep! I remember it well and as I fell asleep on the sofa while Lucy read to me at 7.15 last night, slept on her bed for another ten mins after she had woken me and then went back to sleep on the sofa untill 10pm when I finally dragged my weary bones to bed, I can honestly say I think it is the secret to life! I actually felt slightly better today though am waning now! Catnap if it works for you but not so much that it stops you sleeping at night. If you wake, get up - lying there is the worse thing you can do. It is better to get up several times and email, I meant make a cuppa or hot milk or something. The main thing is to try and stick to proper routines for sleep and to not have babies if you can possibly help it!

5. Write... whether a blog or a comment on a forum topic, a letter or a meandering scrawl in a notebook, I am convinced writing helps to clear away the dark thoughts. I think it gets them out of the head and onto the paper where you can bin them if you want or read them at a later date to try and understand what goes on when you are low. Mainly, use the purplecoo website for support as so many of us have been there.

Well, there you have it...I also recommend open fires, red wine (but not too much), good food, my wonderful Dave and laughing with the kids, swimming in the sea, oh lots really but remember that it WILL pass!

Have a lovely, cheery day xx

Wednesday, 4 July 2007

The baby, the cat and Gypsy Acora.

I am so tired. My brain is even more befuddled than usual, my eyes have reached new heights of red-rimmed grittiness and my muscles refuse to respond to the infrequent calls to work that my exhausted brain is sending them. Yep, Baby Isabella has once more descended into the realms of night stalker despite my best efforts to the contrary, and Tiger Lily, the cat from hell, has yowled all night to keep her company! (Ha, how innocent she looks in the photograph!) Apologies for the fact that this is not a new topic in my blogs and please feel free to scroll down to a merrier note (I promise to try to put one somewhere), but I thought having a quick blog (Oh why does it have to sound so YUKKY!) might order my thoughts and blow away the fog I am currently inhabiting.

Actually, having written that much on the subject I am already tired of its demanding any more of my time - and so to other things.

Logged on this morning and had a look at some of Jane's recommended links - oh I don't know why! Just seemed like a nice thing to do when you have a free five minutes because everyone's b******d off for a change in order to avoid the Grendel-creature that was once their mother!). Anyway, Jane frequently reminds me of myself (sorry Jane, wording this v.badly) due to the Capricorn link which means we are both prone to bouts of self-doubt, have a huge interest in all things spiritual and other worldly, and of course, the all important one, both have to finish reading a book once started however loathsome or boring it may be! So, there I am scrolling through her list when I discover one for a psychic called Beverly Night. Oops, just popped off to check on that as I thought it didn't seem right - it's Michele Knight (quelle Twerp!) Clicked on the link and there unfolded a world of paranormal experiences including free readings. Well, it had to be done didn't it? I had a go on the house number one where you put in the number of your house - no! Really Pip! - and in return Michele gives you the appropriate reading. Boy was I pleased! Our house number is all about love with a capital L - in family, relationships and with a heavy emphasis on the romantic. Of course, there was that little bit at the end about a possibility for obsessional love being somewhat a destructive force, but I am a firm believer in only taking the parts that work for you (good grief, now I sound like some sort of Sweeny Todd character!) Give it a go and see what pops up for you.

On a similar theme, there is a Romany psychic called Acora who is based in Plymouth - not Cornwall, but close enough that he makes frequent forays over the river - and many years ago Dave and I both went for a reading when he set up caravan in Truro for a few days. At the time we were not 'together' and had met up for the day as friends. We queued seperately as I was determined he should not link us in any way and finally Dave entered the hallowed van for his fortune to be told. He was not in a very happy place as his marriage had not long broken up and, as with many things in life, despite it having been an unhappy relationship for many years, it was still a horrendous thing to go through at the time. When his reading had finished he went to a nearby cafe to wait for me and a little while later my turn had come.

I admit to a feeling of trepidation as I sat in the kitsch and far too modern caravan. Where was the quaint Romany van with its painted woodwork and pots and pans? No, all I could focus on were the plethora of photographs adorning the walls, each one a black and white shot of a celebrity, Acora's elfin face poking into view at one or other corner in every one. The huge poster shot of the elegantly clad Welsh songstress exuding glamour from every pore and bearing nothing more than the legend 'Shirley' in exuberant lettering particularly caught my eye! Hmm, was I in good company, I wondered.

Acora read my palm, read the Tarot and got me to peer into the crystal ball - the upshot was that I was going through some terrible times (yep), had been for a long time (yep) and that it was about to change for the better (Oh thank the Lord!). He said I would have two children with a younger man whose name began with a 'D', who had loved me for a long time but had not yet told me so. He said I was unaware of this although many others saw it (was he calling me dense I wonder?). He also said I would be a published write, or would be well known for my writing and that it would be factual not fiction (blogging perhaps?). Suddenly, the tiny figure of the Gypsy Acora leapt from the bench seat it had formerly been perching upon to announce with vigour that 'someone has put a curse on your head which has been responsible for all your bad fortune. I take that curse (and he grabbed it from somewhere over my head) and send it back to them sevenfold,' at which point he sank back to his former state of ease! Well, shivers ran down my spine, I can tell you!

I imagine many of you have worked out the Dave link here. The strange thing is that at the time I was annoyed. I remember meeting up with Dave in the cafe and relating it all back to him, scoffing at the fact that he must have noticed us talking before we queued and laughing at the notion that I should have any more children when I was already coping with three on my own. Ha, that'll teach me! Poor Dave sat there in silence as I gently shattered what I later found out were his hopes for the future - a life with me and our children, one huge happy family with a like-minded partner who would allow him to be the person he had buried for years and, hopefully, with one or two little beings of our own to cement the family together.

Fluke or a true gift for reading the future? I'll leave you to decide.

Bye for now xx
(and sorry JAne for name-dropping!)

Monday, 2 July 2007

Me again!

Well, it seems like a lifetime since I last blogged and the only reason I can give is that I have had little to blog about. It has been a quiet patch here at Poltisko Farm, but I have logged in regularly to see what you have all been up to. So thrilled to hear about both Jane's move and her news about the book. Late as ever, I am planning to read it to the children (probably including the 17 year old) as of tonight as it seems to be the only way I can get to it. I love the whole ritual of story-telling with the kids all sitting round and snuggled up in duvets (well, it IS summer after all!) and love even more the fact that the older ones will often sneak in for a listen too, long limbs wrapped around the warm bodies of the little ones as they sleepily listen to the familiar tales. They say it reminds them of when they were tiny, particularly if I am reading one of their favourites from what now seems so long ago.

All the children are huge readers, though not all of fiction; Tom prefers biographies and reference books, while Lauren loves everything (just like her Mum!) Sam and Elias love fantasy novels, and Lucy is a law unto herself - she reminds me so much of myself at her age, several books on the go at once and no library large enough to keep up with the rate at which she devours them! We are currently reading The Little House in the Big Woods by Laura Ingalls Wilder and I have learnt how to clean and prime a gun (!), how to look after, kill and butcher a pig (useful one this, I feel), and how to prepare one's home for the impending winter months by ensuring the loft is full of pumpkins, grain and a variety of fruit and veg. It's a lovely read, though not a patch on my own favourite, Little Women by Louisa May Alcott. How many times I read that book and the rest of the series, and how traumatised was I that Jo didn't marry Laurie!

Well, little else to say today. The past couple of weeks saw sad news as a very dear and lovely friend went into labour with her first child to find it had died because the placenta had detached. Nothing else was wrong and the baby was a perfect little girl. She had heard the heartbeat only the day before and had had a trouble free pregnancy, yet it was not meant to be and she is now suffering terribly. I can only imagine what she and her husband are going through and know that some of you have also been there too - my heart goes out to you all.

I will try to write something upbeat tomorrow and in the meantime I'm going to treat myself to a meander through all your lovely blogs. Take care all xx

PS. Chris, so very sorry about the setback, but that's all it is - keep going; I am sure it is meant to happen x